there was a trapeze. enough said
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
