Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
