My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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