Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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