question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
