Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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