I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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