i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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