is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
