Just fell off a train. Bad.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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