I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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