We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
