Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize