Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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