you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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