My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
