I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
