yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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