I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
