I don't usually arrange sex via text message
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
