Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
