I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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