I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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