I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize