Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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