ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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