I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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