Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
