It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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