Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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