Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
