fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
