Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
