end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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