there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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