can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
