Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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