i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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