i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
