nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
