You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
