and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
