too bad you live with your parents still
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
