listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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