I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
