Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
