I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
