he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
