he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Four minutes until I can fart!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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