I bet he comes in French.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
