I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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