He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
