I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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