i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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