i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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