dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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