Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
