my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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