i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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