Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
