Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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