I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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