I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
