genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
